and you probably are.
but bunches of you keep asking me questions so i am going to try to answer some.
and i have to put this out there first.
there were two pieces of the killer awesome amazing cheesecake left this morning.
i could not resist it.
i ate one piece after the kids were all gone and jenny had just left (aka: i was sad and tired)
i couldn't finish the piece. (thank goodness)
then i took a bath.
then i came into the kitchen and waffle had finished the cheesecake.
sometimes that dog is so naughty i just can't stand him.
but if i am honest....i was relieved.
that dog saved me from myself.
i most likely would have eaten the other piece later today!
last week i had the will power but this time i didn't.
january 3, my friend jeanne suggested trying to give up sugar completely and i decided to go for it.
i gave up sugar so i could:
1. lose weight.
2. to see if i could it.
3. to try and get my body healthier for the africa trip.
and what i have learned from this sugar fast so far....i am 100% an emotional eater.
i have heard oprah talk about it for years.
i just never made the connection of what it really meant.
my mom told me in the fall "you have a very stressful life!"
i argued with her "no mom...i don't. it's busy and loud but not stressful..it's just life."
and i believed that.
then i gave up sugar.
and i had to rethink everything i ate.
i would be hungry and have to figure out what to eat and nothing sounded good because
i only ate sugary things before.
(before means for 34 years i would eat sweet stuff all day long)
then i would have to decide if i was really even hungry.
then the next thought was "why am i hungry?"
i realized that whenever i have an emotion that is remotely strong...bad OR good....
having five kids leads to many strong feelings in one hour let alone a day or a week.
a few weeks ago i was alone in the car and i said out loud
"UGH! my mom was right!"
(my mom is soooo happy right now reading that i am sure!)
I realized that my life IS stressful...not anymore than most people's but still....it's stressful.
and i had been eating all the stress.
if i felt anything i would eat.
then the feeling would go away somewhat.
i would feel more calm and regulated emotionally.
so now that i was not eating sugar....
i was feeling all these feelings because there was nothing to eat!
it was a light bulb moment...as oprah likes to call it.
(oprah really is like a household name...i can't remember my life before she was around??? ha!)
God wants me to feel those feelings. (hey wait...oprah didn't tell me that!)
they are there for a reason.
not because He wants me to be sad...but because i need to work on giving myself to HIM over and over.
and ignoring the feelings by eating them away (so to speak) is wrong.
when i feel that frustration...that emotion...and i want it to go away...i have a choice.
do i deal with it or stuff it down somewhere with a snack?
do i pray about it? do i think about it? or just pretend it's not there and eat something?
i am now seven weeks in.
other than the cheesecake incidents....i feel in control.
how nice to feel IN CONTROL of myself.
i am working out with goals.
i have supportive encouraging friends who are rooting for me.
my husband is proud of me....that is a HUGE incentive to me.
i want him to be proud.
and for the first time in my life (other than the normal weight loss after child birth)...
i have lost weight.
i have always just gained weight.
and now with exercise and changing my food....i have lost weight.
exactly like EVERYONE has said it would in every book, magazine or show that i have heard forever.
but i had to want it for myself.
and i did it.
everyone keeps asking me "don't you feel so much better now?!"
and i think "umm....well i feel something!"
it's better to feel in control and emotional than like a sugar coated zombie.
and thanks to waffle....i am that much happier to not have to battle the cheesecake today.
AND since i know you will ask.....
i gave up sweets, soda pop, sugar cereal (i miss that a lot), chocolate, and candy.
i did not give up fruits or carbs.
i eat a ton of fruit.
frozen blueberries have been my favorite new treat.
and smoothies everyday.
and i am eating and liking broccoli.
i never thought i could ever say that....ever.