whatever

the half marathon....

well.... i did it!
it is hard to believe that i actually have done 13.1 miles.
but it's TRUE!!

whoop whoop! 

let me recap the weekend as it went down.

on friday, mr. duerksen left with four of my kids for a bball tournament out of town.
so to begin my girls weekend i got a full 24 hours ALONE.
um...yeah...that rocked!
then...craig accidentally took my car keys so i couldn't even leave my house and you know what?
it was such a blessing.
 i HAD to stay home and just be alone.
 ahhhhhh.

i did laundry, cleaned the chicken's box and watched crazy stupid, Love.
(i love that movie!)

:) 

saturday morning i put on my favorite shirt to bring good vibes my way.... ha!

my friends picked me up since i had no car.
and we took off for our road trip!

as usual... talk talk talk all the way there.

we picked up our packets with our bib inside it and shopped the expo a little.
i bought sporty sunglasses...you know i needed them after all that fashion wear all winter.
i hate the way the sport sunglasses look.
so much.
but i can wear them with my hat so it was needed. 

they had this wall with the names of all of the people who died in the OKC bombing.
the people the race was honoring.
the first 168 bib numbers were given to them.
it was emotional. 

one of the best parts of marathon training is getting "CARB LOAD" the week of the race.
and believe me... i did.

we went back to our hotel and right to bed.
our wake up time was 4:00 AM.
oy veh.
i slept terrible as expected and leaped out of bed at the alarm.
my roommate was pretty surprised by that.
:)

we geared up with all our running stuff...gummy energy chews, wipes, kleenex, money (? we didn't know??), body glide, hair ties, hats, sunglasses, our bib numbers, ipods, phones and layers.
we waited in the cool air for 35 minutes for the "every 15 minutes" shuttle
that was suppised to be there at 4:30.
blah. 

then headed to a sunrise service at The Survivor Tree.
again... emotional. 

it's hard to see but that is because it was completely dark outside...it was 5:30 AM.
we sang worship songs... Bless the Lord Oh My Soul and Amazing Grace were too hard to even sing. 
i was too choked up.
i just closed my eyes and listened. 

the pastor read from Jesus Calling and it was just so appropriate.

we made a stop at gear check.

(use gear check if you do a race... super easy and convenient)

we made one last pit stop... porta potties....gross.

then we found our pace group and waited.
with 10,000 other people.
they had 168 seconds of silence for those who died in OKC.
i cried.
and prayed.
i was getting VERY nervous with all the unknowns...
can i do this?  am i safe?  what if i get hurt? what if i fall? 
you know... all that stuff that Satan loves to put in your mind when big things are happening. 
i texted craig and kimberlee.
i needed one last boost of love before i took off. 
they gave it to me.
:) 

some of my friends are conscience of their time when they run.
these were free tattoos you could put on to know your pace.
i was not remotely interested.
i can only do what i can do at that moment.
not anyone else's time. 

the gun went off and we stood still for a looooong time because we were SO far back in the line
14 minutes after the gun went off we crossed the start line and began our first half marathon! 

and it was fun!

there was loud music.
people in their driveways all along the way.
some had water... some had beer.... donuts... signs... all SO SWEET!

then the hills began.
geez louise.
there were so many hills on this course.
we didn't train for that.
but we did it.
i mean come on....LOOK AT THAT HILL!!!

and that wasn't even the bad hill that everyone told us about.


the sun was coming up as we came through this tunnel.
it was beautiful light...
i wished i had my big camera.
(and that i was not running... ha)

firefighters were all through the race.
which made me tear up every time we came up on them.
they were sweating like crazy walking with all that gear on...
what amazing men! 

we ran right past the capital building.
that was really cool.
and the sun was just behind it... GORGEOUS.

we hit the halfway mark and decided on taking a picture.

try # 1

try #2 
we were honestly smiling.

i repeated to myself so many times
"God's spirit is with you"  
"present your body as worship"  
and "Glorify God with your body"

 

i made it 9.5 miles before walking!!
that is AMAZING.
i had never run more than 8 miles before that... so i had my personal best that day.

around mile 11 i was feeling a little delirious.
and i said to my friend "have you seen Taledega Nights?" 
and i quoted this line.

                                                                                                                                                        

i know i know.
ricky bobby and carl naughton jr. are complete blasphermors through that entire movie.
but... i quoted it because as i was dragging and weak..

i said "well....i am picturing my jesus in running shorts and nike frees...running beside me"

we giggled a bit and decided Jesus probably would have been way faster than me.

i walked a bit, ran a bit, walked a bit
and then at mile 12 an older man on the sides controlling traffic, looking like morgan freeman,  
leaned in towards me and did a quiet clapping and said quietly

"let's go. let's go. run. you can do it. let's go"

 and it was so quiet that i just listened to him.

i ran.

and suddenly there was the finish line way up ahead!!

i turned to my friend and said "i am so glad you made me do this! THANK YOU so much!"

i meant it.
it was such an awesome morning!



i took out my headphones and took it all in.
people were all cheering and screaming for the runners.
it was so cool.
big races are such a positive atmosphere!
every runner feels like a rockstar.


and there i was.
done.
THIRTEEN MILES.
2:46:48
it's not fast but i don't care one single bit.
i did it.
(nice glasses.....)

after we caught our breath, regrouped, ate oranges, bagels and bananas to refuel,
we headed to the memorial again.

MANY people ran for those they lost in the OKC bombing.
the memorial had all kinds of sites like this. 

we made it to the shuttles.

i was beginning to feel sick.

then i got sick.

and i was miserable.

my body was in full-on-freak-out mode.

it was not pretty.

my friends let me sleep for awhile and after an hour and a half i was better.

i rallied.

i ate a quick lunch and then it was time for massage.

it's what we do.
we run hard and then we go to the spa.
the best way to run a race.
period. 

 

then dinner and a DELICIOUS drink to celebrate!
i am so proud of all of us!!

we trained hard for months.
with 15 kids between the four of us...and all of our jobs...and busy lives...

we did it. 

i don't know if i will ever do it again....

but i can always say that I DID IT!!! 

and i think you should train and do it too.

:)

 

annie's favorite books

i love children's books.
when i find one with illustrations that pull me in i always feel like drawing.
they are just such a beautiful way to enjoy childhood.
i have great memories of reading with my kids. 

annie is working hard to finish up something at school for points.
she has had all year to get points but now that it's the end of the year i am guessing there is
an ice cream party or something that has given her incentive to buckle down.
she has been reading each afternoon.
she is not really a sit down and read for an hour kind of girl usually.
that is ok.
i am not that kind of girl either... my dad wanted me to be so badly.


i thought i would share some of HER favorites today.
this is her stack she was working through that she carefully selected.   

you can click on the link to find it on amazon.  

Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type ..... that duck is so funny!

 

Cowboy and Octopus .... very dry humor book but funny and has cool illustrations.

Eaglet's World

this was a book that Scott got during his preschool LOVE OF EAGLES phase.
he was obsessed with eagles for a few years.
i remember going to his classroom as the surprise guest and reading it to his whole class.
we love this pretty book. 

Martha and Skits  .... my dad gave us a whole collection of these books.
BEFORE they gave Martha a show on pbs.
my kids really liked these... all five of them. 

 

Pirates Don't Change Diapers ..... my girls like these 2 pirate books but my boys loved them. 

How I Became a Pirate..... and really David Shannon is a favorite of mine.

Too Tall Houses.... pretty book about friendship and competing.  :)

 

Art & Max.... brillant book for anyone who likes art....super pretty! 

 

Is Your Mama a Llama? .... i had this book memorized at one point.
so many years of reading it over and over.
who doesn't like a book with baby and mama animals?! 

 

Fancy Nancy: Splendiferous Christmas.... all Fancy Nancy books are loved by my little girls.
she has quite the obsession with fanciness. 

 

Pete the Cat: I Love My White Shoes .... annie's choice at the book fair.

 

Emma Kate .... BEAUTIFUL book.
Patricia Polacco is one of Talby's favorite authors.
she did a report on her once! 

 

Llama Llama Misses Mama

there is something adorable to me about llamas.
Anna Dewdney ties toddlers and llamsas together perfectly.  :)
Annie loved these two llama mama books.... always loves to say "i've done that...."
on the tantrum page.  ha ha ha 

Llama Llama Mad at Mama

 

The Three Snow Bears  Jan Brett is famous... everyone knows her books.
this one is the story of the three bears but drawn so lovely.
and my kids make silly voice for all of the bears and it's very funny. 

 

If You Take a Mouse to the Movies.... annie loves this one.

If You Take a Mouse to School... i loved this one...
the art and the thrill of going to school for little ones.

If You Give a Moose a Muffin  but this one was our favorite to read as a family!
i have a moose voice that makes my kids crack up and i always use it he says
"do you have any old socks?" when he wants to make sock puppets.
love this book. 

My Garden.... talby and annie love this one.  
always.... EVERY TIME .... say "i wish our garden was like that" 

 

Diary of a Spider ....cutest books!  
i love every detail that is in these three Diary books.
seriously! 

Diary of a Worm

Diary of a Fly

I'm The Biggest Thing in the Ocean.... LOVE these two books!
that googly eyed octopus is very endearing and silly. 

I'm the Best Artist in the Ocean!

Yes Day!.... another book fair choice this year chosen because of our love of the grumpy book.
and all kids love the dream of a YES Day.

 

What Are You So Grumpy About?.... this is such a good one.
because kids get grumpy a LOT.
and this puts some wrods to their feelings in a funny way.

that was kind of a long list but it was fun for me to remember reading them all with my kids.

what are your favorite children's books?
i am sure everyone likes to find new great choices.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

1.5 days till the half marathon!!!!!!!!

omg

 

 

getting bigger...

i am not wordy today.
but you can enjoy pictures of our chicks from last week.
they are already much bigger than this. 

Pan Fry is doing just fine.
i do not see us eating her anytime soon.  :)

my plans for a coop fell through.
does anyone have any suggestions on a coop for 11 chickens?

i have a sweet pinterset board going... i know what i like and what i don't.

i know that ashley is a complete stud and built hers with a NAIL GUN!
but i am not seeing that in my future.

maybe mr. duerksen would be willing to build one with me???
there would be power tools involved.
he likes those.
i know sean would be interested but it may be hard to keep him interested long enough to finish. 
i know the girls would paint it beautifully when it was done.

or maybe you know the perfect thing for me and i am overthinking this.
maybe you know a great place to buy one already done and big enough for us and not a fortune.
maybe you know a guy who likes to build this kind of stuff.
maybe?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

3.5 days until the half marathon.

oy!

 

 

craft weekend sponsors.

At each CRAFT WEEKEND we have fabuous sponosors who send their product for our guests.
We appreciate each one of them!  I love finding creative people to work with.

there is an amazing group here this month!

there is no excuse for not having a Mother's Day gift purchased TODAY!
go shopping right here and find the prefect gift for anyone... including yourself.

thank you sponsors for being SUPER AWESOME!!! 

 

you can purchase Stitch Craft Create Magzine on their website or any craft store!

 

Use the code WHATEVER15 for 15% off your purchase KATYGIRL DESIGNS.

 

Use the coupon code MEG20 for 20% off your purchase at Ike&Co.

 

Use the coupon code craft20 for 20% off your purchase at Sorta Southern Boutique.

 

Use the code CRAFT30 for 30% your purchase at Jennifer Dahl Designs.

 

 

Use the code craftweekend to get 10% off your order at the Say Hello Shop.

they sent the Hello signs for us to use IN our craft project during Craft Weekend.... LOVE them! 

 

 

Use the code HAPPYCRAFTWEEKEND for 15% off at Knitty Bitties. 

 

Use the code WHATEVER for 15% off at Felt Foxes.

they sent us hundreds of felt balls to use in our craft project... SO MUCH FUN!!  you need some.  :) 

 

 

Use the code WHATEVER for 15% off at Happy Days... a shop by Wifey Singer.

 

 

Use the code HAPPYSPRING for 10% off in Charlotte Lyons Shop.

 

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Use the code craft20 for 20% off your order at Lisa Leonard Designs.

 

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shop for adorable t-shirts at Moxie Clothing Company!

 

one week.

i have been on this  Running Journey for over two years now...maybe even three!
it's still hard but not as hard as it was.
i still get mad at not being as strong as i wish i was (aka...didn't work out enough to get strong)
i still get annoyed when others seem to enjoy it more than i do.
but i do enjoy it... when i am done.

i really like that i have good friends to run with me.

i KNOW i wouldn't have kept running if there was not accountability and reward with them. 

we have run a few races and maybe lost a few pounds.

we have run probably hundreds of miles together by now. 

we have strengthened our friendships (it's amazing what you can talk about while running 5 miles)

we have gotten much stronger in our two years.

we no longer need bathroom breaks...even on long runs. 

in six days we will run our first HALF MARATHON.
13.1 miles.

and for 6 months i have cringed when i said that.
dread.
frustration.
unhappiness.
nervous.
scared of failing.

but this past week the Lord changed my heart.
i have a new outlook and i literally have done a 180 about it.
it was time to change my focus.
off of ME and onto God. 

"You were bought at a price. So glorify God in your Body"
                                  1 Corinthians 6:20 (NASB) 

and the same verse in a different translation....

"God owns the whole works. So let people see God in 
 and through your body."  
                           1 Corinthians 6:20 (The Message)

i love that...the whole works!
like a cheesbuger with everything on it.
awesome.

so now i am feeling different.
i am not afraid.
i know i will not fail.
I know i am not alone.
even if i end up physically alone at the race... i am never alone.
I have Jesus in me.

"Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that
 God’s Spirit lives in you?"
                                       1 Cor. 3:16

what in the world is there to be afraid of???
i am filled with the Spirit!
He's got me.



i have felt full of gratitude when i think about the race the past few days.

grateful for a body that CAN move (even as slow as mine does).

thankful for the friends that run with me.

blessed with a body that is healthy and it is a GIFT.

i may not be a size 5.
i may not be fast.

but i am blessed. 

"I appeal to you therefore, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship"  
                                         Romans 12:1 

i am using this week to prepare spiritually as well as physically for the race.
offering myself again to God.
"here i am Lord.  use me how you want. whatever you have for me i want to do."

because running a race with thousands of people 2 weeks after a terrorist attack at a race is a little scary....at a memorial race for past terrorist attack?
but really no matter what happens
EVER...
God has me in his hands.
and i have peace in that. 

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day."
                            Psalm 139: 17-22 

how could i read that and ever worry?
i will not be fearful.
i will worship in adoration.

  

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

two more things:

1. we will revisit the subject of raising teenagers again.
thanks for hearing my heart.

 

2. the winner for the Lisa Leonard giveaway is:

Bree said...

I would love to buy the jumble of charms necklace with our sweet kiddos names :)

April 17, 2013 at 06:10 PM 

 

email me Bree for the details! Congratulations!!

 

 

mama.

it's been one of those hard weeks.

part of it... the weather turned yucky and cold and GRAY again.
part of it... marathon terrorists, shootings, stabbings, explosions on the news constantly.
part of it... teenage hormones in full force in our home. 
part of it... pms/no sugar/yes sugar/running 10 miles/exhausted body

i was sleeping a little while ago and woke up startled a bit.
and suddenly had a flash back to our premarital counseling session and was overcome with embarrassment.
laying in my bed 18.5 years later.
i started crying.
in the middle of the night about being embarrassed about how dumb we must have looked to everyone.
how clueless we were....and how everyone knew it but us.

what a ridiculous thing to get upset about!

randomly... in the middle of the night!???

especially when the boy i was in pre-marital counseling with 18.5 years ago was sleeping soundly, peacefully and completely content next to me.
we may have been pretty dumb and naive... but we've made it this far.

and we still are as in love as ever.
way more than in that church office way back then.

but now i am awake and can't sleep because my mind won't turn off.

 

i had a request to blog about teenage kids and that next stage of motherhood that kind of gets... not talked about.  

there's a reason that it's not talked about.

a few reasons....

1. i think it challenges most parents in a way they never have been... even if the kids are very well behaved.  so there is less talk because people are genuinely unsure of the best way to handle things.

2. the stakes are higher.  it's not diapers and time outs any more.  teenagers can get themselves into big trouble really quick and there are hard answers that come with those situations.  the consequences for bad decisions are suddenly very heavy.  life changing sometimes.  

3. kids are online and there isn't a safe place for moms to share and discuss.  their friends can see what you said. they can see what is written.  there is no place for honesty online when things are difficult because kids are all over the internet.  You can safely share the positives which is a good thing.  but it also leads to that ever present blogland "comparsion issue".  Are her teenagers REALLY that sweet?  Are her teenagers REALLY that smart?  compassionate? respectful? what is wrong with me? why aren't my teenagers like hers?

4. there is fear in letting them go.  letting them go.. in their decision making.  letting them go... to college and move out.  letting them go... when it comes to finishing tasks and work.  and legit FEAR that they won't make it.  fear that they will chose poorly and be stuck in that bad decision for... ever.

5.  parenting teenagers is mentally and emotionally exhausting.
     period.
i never understood those people who would look at me with a baby in my belly, one in my arms, one or two on my leg and say "it gets so much harder when they get older"  because seriously.... HOW could it get harder than no sleep, no quiet, no personal space & no time for 10 years straight??? 
well... i found out.
the emotional exhaustion of worrying about them, worrying that you messed them up, worrying about how they will turn out and then the mental exhaustion of HOW to deal with something new all the time.... 
and you are now in a body that is 10 - 15 years older than before.   
yep... it's harder.

it just is.
sorry baby mamas.  sorry toddler moms.  you get through all that physically hard stuff and a whole new set of issues comes around the corner.  

i think that even families that have easy going teenagers would agree with me.

it's not a BAD thing... it's just surprising how difficult it is.  
and we weren't prepared for it.  
we thought we were fun and cool people who loved being with our kids so it will be fine.  

HA HA HA.

 

so i just felt like it was time to say some of that.

 

not ratting out my kids.

not saying anything other than "this is hard."

i love them fiercely.  

i know God tells me not worry but more often than not i find myself wrapped up in it.  
it's draped around me like a heavy, wet blanket.    

so i throw it all back at Jesus' feet again.

i am trying everyday to be a good mom....somedays are better than others.

i ask God again and again to protect them & to capture their hearts. 

i ask God to forgive my selfishness, my pride, my temper, my patience and my words and thoughts.

and i ask God to take my worry away. 

to fill me with patience and love and the ability to see more than the mistakes.  

so much more. 

He reminds me that He created them.  He loves them more than i do or could.  He wants the best for them.

and their story is not over.

there is so much more to come.

God loves my kids.  (and your kids.)  

He isn't going to leave me alone is raising them.  He doesn't get mad when i fail.  He doesn't laugh at me when i make mistakes.  

That is not the God and Jesus i know.

 
i am so grateful to be their mom.

no matter what.

 

 

but make no mistake.... it's the hardest stage i've ever been in.

 

sorry for the crazy long post with no pictures!!

 

it's 2:55 AM. 
i am just going to publish this like jerry maguire.

because that went great for him right???