whatever

promoted.

so this is it.
my last morning home alone.
and i am not even home alone...scott is here with me.
but you know what i mean...home without a child who needs me to get their breakfast and stuff.

i love summer.
but that first week or two is always an adjustment for ME.

scott was promoted out of eighth grade last night.
i took a few pictures at the ceremony but they were all blurry.

in my hair's defense....
we'd had 100mph winds all day and it was 100 degrees in that room...and fluorescent lighting.  

TWINS!  :)





i could've started tearing up at any moment.
like when he said "congratulations freshman class of 2013"  or when they gave out awards.
but i held it together.

this school year was excellent for all the kids in the new school but i think especially for scott.
it has been a really great year!
i am grateful for that.
these kids are awesome...such wonderful young men.  they are quite goofy....but wonderful.
i am so happy we get to watch them grow up together.

 

so....i guess i better do SOMETHING with my last 3.5 hours alone.
dishes?  laundry?  mop?  vacuum?

no.

a long hot bath....at the craft house....YES.

 

 

 

grown.

these kids have a lot of nerve growing up so quick.
it's kind of mean.
they just grow and grow....taller and taller....wearing man and woman shoe sizes and think it's fine!
rude.

first grade.                                                                    eighth grade.
 

fifth grade.                                                                    fourth grade.
 

we started at a new school this year.
smaller.
more like what craig and i grew up in.....yeah.....S.M.A.L.L.....so happy about it.
and they were too.
they were nervous but they each fought it.....they were brave......they are BRAVE.
no tears.
and actually not even one "goodbye Mom"  they were just gone....never looking back.

i am proud of them. 

snapped this out my window as i drove home.

it's going to be a great year.
thank you Lord.
amen.

(ps....lauren starts on thursday....she was at volleyball practice when we left this morning)

 

wednesday for me.

last night was annie's kindergarten recogniton.
pretty cute.

they performed "the very hungry caterpillar" and sang "what a wonderful world"


annie has thrived in mrs. claassen's class this year.
has loved going to school every day.
has made art projects, gifts and cards for her everyday all school year.
that is a good sign of love to me.

 

ezra is her best buddy in the class.
at bedtime we were talking and she shared that everybody says "why do you always play with boys?!" 
i told her it was ok to play with WHOever she wants.
she said the girls always say "annie...come play princesses with us!"
and i laughed and said "you should say.....DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO PLAY PRINCESS WITH YOU?"
talby said "don't say that annie....you'll get in trouble"
we all laughed.

she likes some girly things like babies and house and littlest pet shops
but boys have more energy and action
and they are louder. 
just like annie. 

she has friends that are girls too.

 


the magnificent chef ANNIE will prepare  KAK for your meal


 
i cannot believe this year is almost over.
it's crazy.
i feel like i am in some weird time warp sucker.
making everything go at super speed.
everyone is growing up and changing so fast.
i want to shout "just stop already!"
for the good moments.
the hard stuff....the tough stuff....it can go away as quick as possible.
move along angry hormones of teenagers....
get going feelings of entitlement and greed or laziness.....
please move faster self centeredness.....
but this good awesome wonderful stuff...like hungry caterpillars & teacher hugs....they can stay forever. 

 

my new grown up life.

at our school they start kindergarten half days for the first 9 weeks.
then they go full day the rest of the year.
i guess it's to ease into it....easier adjustment for everyone.
i love it.

annie has had me walk her to her classroom everyday.
none of my other kids wanted that.
ever.
so of course i did that today too.
i think i would've been sad if she didn't want me there today.


soon she'll go in with her brother and sister but for a while i will still walk her in.
it gives me motivation to get out of my pajamas now before we leave for school.


this picture sums it up.
double hand grasp on mommy.
she said all morning "my stomach hurts" and she wanted lots of extra help getting dressed.
she was so nervous for her day. 

THIS is annie's look that means she is nervous.
i LOVE that i captured it.

and then she was ready for me to go.
thank goodness.
i couldn't have handled any crying....without crying myself.
so glad she was brave.

very strange feeling to be all alone so early in the day.
i am fine with time alone.

it's not that i MISS my kids when they are at school....i don't. 
i know that they are safe and happy and that they will be home again soon.
what i am feeling is that annie is my last baby and now she is a big kid at school.
and i am 35.
so i am old and alone.

just kidding.
i mean....i AM old and alone....but it's not a bad thing.

a new chapter of my grown up life begins.
i can only go to MOPS meetings as a mentor mom from now on.
(i haven't been to MOPS for 6 years but i remember thinking with five kids i could be in MOPS forever) 
i have no excuse for a messy house anymore.
(except for those five kids again)
i have no excuse not to exercise.
i have no excuse for dinner not being ready.
i have no excuse to have a MOUNTAIN of laundry like i do right now.
i have no excuse to not be reading my bible and spending real time with God.

those are my areas to focus on in this new grown up life i have been given starting today.
whether i asked for it or not.

with that....i am out the door for a long run.
i am going to blast my music and cry if i want to.
but i don't think i will. 
i think this grown up life is going to be pretty good. 

ps....i went dancing this weekend.
it was one of the best nights i have had all year. 

first day.

2007

2008

2009 

and 2010....

talby: 3rd grade         sean: 4th grade
 

scott: 7th grade                                        annie: kindergarten 
  


lauren: 10th grade
 
 

the first day went well for the four youngest.
craig stayed for breakfast and drove the sean and talby to school.
scott rode his bike.
lauren starts today.
annie is in the pm kindergarten.

she was dying to get there.
at 9:00 she said "WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG TO BE NOON!?!?'

we rode bikes to school for her.
we were 20 minutes early!
i joked with the school secretary "i've never been early to anything in the past five years have i?"
she did not disagree.
annie just really wanted to get moving.

i stayed with her for a few minutes until she said i could leave.
she was definitely nervous but trying to control it.
i love that.
she squeezed my arm and that was that.

i thought "i will lose it if i make eye contact."
so i bolted.
i went out the side door so no one would see me and get me to start crying.
i put on my headphones and took off running.
it's hot out there!

i ran home the long long way.

and my afternoon was very nice.

i think i am going to be ok.

the end of an era....

on friday annie finished her last day of preschool.
forever.
which also means that my 12 year run of being a preschool mom is also over.
5 of those years were at new creation preschool with ms. kristin.
i met her just weeks after moving to newton.
i called the school...she answered and told me "i hadn't told anyone yet but we just had an opening"
it was meant to be.
annie was a newborn in her carseat when we took sean in for his first day.
i am so thankful for this school.  for kristin.  for her graceful way of teaching my children.

so i cried it all out on friday...in my car....in the wendy's parking lot.
(and now again while i am typing this)























when i took this picture....it clicked that this was over.
i don't know why.
this picture.
i got all choked up, alone in annie's preschool room while they practiced their program upstairs.
                     




check out kristin's rainbow skirt.
loooooove.

so there it is.
over forever.
annie is my last baby.
she grew up overnight.
and now i am a mom of school age children.
no babies.
that is really hard for me to come to grips with.
i know i have five kids....i know i am tired and worn out by them....i know that what i have is enough.
but i really cannot believe that the baby stage is over.
that i will never have another baby.
it makes me feel too grown up....old.
i don't really want to start dealing with only BIG kid issues...driving, talking back, grades, sex....

  
and then annie took off riding way down the street without waiting for me.

kind of like she did growing up.
she never even asked me.

i am sure that my new "freedom" will be great.
i will get so much done and that this is a new stage and it will be good.
this baby/preschool stage was my normal for the past 15 years.
now i am done.
it is very surreal.
 
i hope my kids still need me...
without sippy cups or potty training or floaties or shoe tying.

don't feel sorry for me.
my pity party is at max capacity already.