and you probably are.
but bunches of you keep asking me questions so i am going to try to answer some.
and i have to put this out there first.
there were two pieces of the killer awesome amazing cheesecake left this morning.
i could not resist it.
i ate one piece after the kids were all gone and jenny had just left (aka: i was sad and tired)
i couldn't finish the piece. (thank goodness)
then i took a bath.
then i came into the kitchen and waffle had finished the cheesecake.
sometimes that dog is so naughty i just can't stand him.
but if i am honest....i was relieved.
that dog saved me from myself.
i most likely would have eaten the other piece later today!
last week i had the will power but this time i didn't.
january 3, my friend jeanne suggested trying to give up sugar completely and i decided to go for it.
i gave up sugar so i could:
1. lose weight.
2. to see if i could it.
3. to try and get my body healthier for the africa trip.
and what i have learned from this sugar fast so far....i am 100% an emotional eater.
i have heard oprah talk about it for years.
i just never made the connection of what it really meant.
my mom told me in the fall "you have a very stressful life!"
i argued with her "no mom...i don't. it's busy and loud but not stressful..it's just life."
and i believed that.
then i gave up sugar.
and i had to rethink everything i ate.
i would be hungry and have to figure out what to eat and nothing sounded good because
i only ate sugary things before.
(before means for 34 years i would eat sweet stuff all day long)
then i would have to decide if i was really even hungry.
then the next thought was "why am i hungry?"
i realized that whenever i have an emotion that is remotely strong...bad OR good....
I EAT.
having five kids leads to many strong feelings in one hour let alone a day or a week.
a few weeks ago i was alone in the car and i said out loud
"UGH! my mom was right!"
(my mom is soooo happy right now reading that i am sure!)
I realized that my life IS stressful...not anymore than most people's but still....it's stressful.
and i had been eating all the stress.
if i felt anything i would eat.
then the feeling would go away somewhat.
i would feel more calm and regulated emotionally.
so now that i was not eating sugar....
i was feeling all these feelings because there was nothing to eat!
it was a light bulb moment...as oprah likes to call it.
(oprah really is like a household name...i can't remember my life before she was around??? ha!)
God wants me to feel those feelings. (hey wait...oprah didn't tell me that!)
they are there for a reason.
not because He wants me to be sad...but because i need to work on giving myself to HIM over and over.
and ignoring the feelings by eating them away (so to speak) is wrong.
when i feel that frustration...that emotion...and i want it to go away...i have a choice.
do i deal with it or stuff it down somewhere with a snack?
do i pray about it? do i think about it? or just pretend it's not there and eat something?
i am now seven weeks in.
other than the cheesecake incidents....i feel in control.
how nice to feel IN CONTROL of myself.
i am working out with goals.
i have supportive encouraging friends who are rooting for me.
my husband is proud of me....that is a HUGE incentive to me.
i want him to be proud.
and for the first time in my life (other than the normal weight loss after child birth)...
i have lost weight.
i have always just gained weight.
and now with exercise and changing my food....i have lost weight.
it works.
exactly like EVERYONE has said it would in every book, magazine or show that i have heard forever.
but i had to want it for myself.
and i did it.
everyone keeps asking me "don't you feel so much better now?!"
and i think "umm....well i feel something!"
it's better to feel in control and emotional than like a sugar coated zombie.
and thanks to waffle....i am that much happier to not have to battle the cheesecake today.
AND since i know you will ask.....
i gave up sweets, soda pop, sugar cereal (i miss that a lot), chocolate, and candy.
i did not give up fruits or carbs.
i eat a ton of fruit.
frozen blueberries have been my favorite new treat.
and smoothies everyday.
and i am eating and liking broccoli.
i never thought i could ever say that....ever.
